‘Zapata is on the pitch, and she has the ball. Is she going to boot it or bottle it? Will Kulti, undoubtedly a fan-favourite, deliver? Will it be a howler or a screamer?
Zapata shoots…and what a hit! What. A. Hit. It’s a beauty, right to the back of the net! What a beautiful game...’
I’ve had my eye on Kulti since I first discovered Zapata’s slow burns. I’d heard rave reviews and hence my expectations going into it were scary high. But I need not have worried – Kulti wins the man of the match, hands down.
Kulti is a football romance in a slow cooker. It brings Reiner ‘Bratwurst’ Kulti and Sal ‘Taco’ Casillas on the same pitch as assistant coach and player, respectively. Yet here’s the kicker: Kulti is BIG news. He’s the Ronaldo of the soccer world. The Meryl Streep of Hollywood. The Bridgetons of the ton. He is the five-tiered cake on a buffet everyone longingly eyes but dares not touch. He is retired, but he is football royalty. To Sal, he is all of the above and the long-term object of her affection.
Kulti is also a massive pain in Casillas’ (and everyone else’s) toned behind.
If you’ve ever cracked open a book by Zapata you know what to expect. The romance ain’t no sprint, folks. It might feel like someone is feeding you German chocolate cake with a toothpick, but you don’t even care because each crumb is like an episode of your latest binge-worthy series.
For me, Kulti and Casillas and their banter is what made me love the book. Rey “Why-speak-if-I-can-not-speak” Kulti may be rude and aggravating at (most) times, but he still has that magic Zapata touch that will have you falling in love with him (in due course). Sal is kind-hearted, disciplined and talented – and with enough mettle to keep Kulti on his toes. And the banter… digging the banter, man. Especially the food nicknames.
The football aspect… Well, I’m not a fan of football, but it doesn’t matter because footie is 12th man in the story – it supports the story and gives it a setting. It doesn’t dominate. And truthfully, I actually liked it.
Two tiny niggles: the phrase ‘Big Girl Socks’ started grating on me and it was a little eyeroll-worthy how spectacular Sal supposedly was at soccer.
Anyhow, Kulti wins the trophy in my books, climbing to my top three favourites of Zapata’s slow-burns.
The Romance Quest 